It’s been a week now since I found out that you passed away, and not a day goes by where I don’t think about you. Some days I still don’t believe it happened, but then I awaken from this bliss of denial and remember that you are, in fact, gone. Strangely, however, I don’t feel like you are gone. I keep you with me in everything that I do which makes me feel that you are more with me now than you have ever been before. It’s a small comfort in a sea of pain, but it is something. As far as weeks go, aside from the news of your passing, it was as good as any other. Maybe even a bit better for the fact that my baby came home to me this weekend, and was able to stay with me until just a few hours ago. He kept my mind occupied, and his unconditional love filled me with warmth. He didn’t leave my side the whole time we were together, and his presence was immensely comforting. You won’t believe how much he has grown! I kept hoping that every time I was on Skype with Bubby you would magically appear in your chair so that you could see him, but it remained empty. It doesn’t matter… I know you can see him from wherever you are! He is still the best baby in the world, and despite the fact that we can’t get him to stop eating everything in his path (including hair), he is perfection!
I was lucky to have both of my handsome men this weekend, not just the four legged one. On Friday night my roommate Jen and I cooked a phenomenal Shabbat dinner, and Stephane came over to help us enjoy it! He was with me from Thursday to Saturday which was so wonderful! I had my boys, Jasper had his “Daddy Stephane”, and Stephane had… lots of commotion! Well, he at least had good food too, which made me feel better about the fact that I don’t always attend to him fully when Jasper is with us! The baby takes the cake! You will be proud of how my cooking skills are improving. I’ve hardly eaten out at all these last two weeks (mostly because I’m budgeting and trying to spend less to justify my ever growing sushi addiction), and I’ve spent a lot of time in the kitchen preparing food, and experimenting with new recipes. For Shabbat dinner I marinated chicken breasts in garlic, olive oil, salt, and pepper, and added lemon for a splash of flavor, accompanied by my homemade coleslaw, Israeli salad (minus the tomatoes, obviously) and, of course, tuna salad in honor of your memory. No matter what I do I still can’t get it just right. I missed you even more when I was preparing that dish, and I couldn’t actually bring myself to eat any of it during dinner… I just didn’t feel like I could. The table was beautiful though, the house was filled with people (and puppies), Stephane began the meal with a wonderful Kiddush, and overall it was a very lovely Shabbat.
It’s moments like these when I’m so happy to be in Israel surrounded by other Jewish people, making Shabbat meals, and having someone like Stephane who can lead me in all the time honored traditions, even ones as simple as saying blessing before meals. But even that made me miss you too. I remembered all of the Passover Seders you led sitting at the head of our family’s table, and I felt very sad; I idolized you… I still do. But then I felt happy knowing that I found someone like Stephane who will one day be able to lead our family’s Seders, and I smiled knowing how happy you are that we found each other.
Aside from Shabbat dinner it was a relatively quiet weekend. Stephane was studying most of the time (he’s very busy with work and finals), I was keeping Jasper occupied, and we started watching a new medical series (well new for me anyways), “House” (I think I’m the only one who has never really watched it before). I just know you will get a kick out of the system we devised for watching shows that are too complicated for Stephane to follow in English. We sit next to each other on the couch or bed, we each have our individual computers with the same episode loaded on our screens, only his is the episode dubbed in French while mine is the original, we then sync when we are going to hit play, and with our headphones in, we each watch our separate versions side by side. It’s just like we are watching it together, only this way we can each fully enjoy what is going on! Plus it’s nice that we don’t have to pause the show every few minutes so that I can explain things! I know you are up there laughing right now at how silly it all is, but it’s the silly things that you loved to hear the most!
Other than that work is still going very well, I’m about to start guitar lessons, sometime in the next few weeks will be recording a demo song in Arabic (yay), and the French, Hebrew, and Arabic learning still continues (slowly but surely at least for French and Arabic). I’m trying to be as productive as possible, if for no other reason then to keep accumulating good stories to tell you!
I miss you every second of every day, and I love you more than I can express with words
Until we meet again ❤
Jordana Simone (Mert)