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11/15/13: Stuck At A Crossroad

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Well it’s been about two weeks now and the job search is still underway. It is severely more daunting than I remember it being the first time around, but I’m sure that’s because I still had income from my school loans, and I wasn’t really looking for anything in particular. Now it seems that every offer I get comes from jobs that I would be miserable doing (i.e. sales), or jobs that don’t pay enough money… I can’t seem to find the right fit yet. I know that this takes time, and thankfully I have saved up enough money to not be in a state of desperation (yet), but I’m really praying something comes along soon.

The problems are these: 1) I need a job to sustain me while I am getting my Masters degree because unfortunately I can’t work in the field I want to go into until I have at least an MA in that field. This is a problem because most of the jobs that pay the kind of salary I am accustomed too are “career” jobs that expect a profound commitment that I just can’t agree to while furthering my education. 2) The easiest jobs to get for English speakers, with decent salaries, are sales positions, and I, ladies and gentlemen, am no sales person. If I believe in something I can sell the crap out of it, but I can’t sell just to sell, and that’s what these companies expect. 3) A very large number of positions for English speakers require overnight hours which again conflicts with furthering my education as well as having a normal, stable life. Call me picky, call me ungrateful for turning down the few positions I have been offered, but I have seen too many people working in jobs that they hate to put myself through that if I don’t HAVE to. Thank God I have saved enough to be able to afford rent and food for the next few months which is allowing me a bit more time to try and find a great fit for me.

At least some good is coming from this period of “freedom”. My “housewife” training is in full force, and I’m discovering I have a particular knack for cleaning and doing laundry! KIDDING, but really, I have never had a more clean environment in my life! On a more serious note, I have decided to take this time and really fall in love with Israel all over again. A thing to note is that Tel Aviv is not Israel… It’s in Israel, but it is not Israel. I almost hear more French, Spanish, and English here than I do Hebrew. I miss the Israel I knew when I lived in Jerusalem. The diverse, chaotic, Middle Eastern hub of Hebrew and Arabic speakers all residing in one city. I miss the mystic cities up north with their beauty and green, mountainous landscapes. I miss feeling like I’m in the Middle East, and because of this I plan to take this free time and do some traveling around the country. My first stop can be none other than Jerusalem. I need to feel God again, to feel something holy and bigger than my life in the Tel Aviv bubble. I need to walk through the markets of the old city talking to the old men who own the shops in the broken Arabic that I remember. I want to feel far away and lost again, because when I’m lost I truly find myself, as strange as that may sound. I feel like if I connect with that part of my life again I might find what I’m looking for after all.

Some of the traveling that I do I hope to do with Stephane, but some of it I plan to do alone. In fact most of it I plan to do alone. Though he is one of the biggest parts of my life here, I feel that I really need to take this time to reconnect with both myself and Israel, and my relationship with both has to be strengthened in my own way free from outside influences. Luckily I can’t really afford to do more than day trips here and there so he’ll still get me almost every day :-)! Only good can come from this, and I have a feeling that everything will fall into place like it has countless times before. Sometimes you just need to remove yourself from the situation for a short time, take a breath, and let things unfold as they will. Assuming my finances will hold out I very much look forward to this new journey, and have never been more excited for a blank slate and a fresh start.

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Until we meet again <3,

Jordana Simone

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